ARE YOU SITTING DOWN?

Here’s something astonishing: I’ve been with the same guy for over thirty years. We’re in our mid-40s now.

Bill and I first met as kids and became best buds in high school. Things evolved.

During the first few years of our seeing each other, uhm, carnally, we didn’t know any gay people and we didn’t live the gay life. Well how could we? It was the ‘70s and we were sheltered in suburbia. The seedy city scene may as well have been on Uranus.


The gay stuff only happened way after dark, in the recesses of our parents’ homes. We wuz gettin’ busy inna basemen' as da family snoozed upstairs.

But we didn’t talk about it, not even between the two of us. It was the Unmentionable Act, occurring not more than every second Saturday night. I guess we didn’t want to be enjoying ourselves too too often.

In retrospect, our self-imposed solitude may have given us an advantage right from the start. You know how Other People can be – especially Other Gay People, getting all jealous and complicated and ruining things. Yech. Sometimes, not letting others get involved is better. We just left them out.

Fast-forward thirty-plus years. Bill and I are now bona fide homosexuals, walkin’ the walk and talkin’ the talk. We mention the unmentionable. Our families know - but not about the furtive fucking in the cellars (and let’s keep that just between us, okay?) We’ve cohabitated twenty-three years so far. There’ve been three high school reunions. All is cool. Happily ever after, etc etc.

Sometimes you’d think we were still newlyweds, the way we carry on. My honey-bunny still calls me ‘luv’ or ‘babe’ at the beginning and close of every phone call.

Other times, we’re more like Edith and Archie. Nag nag nag. Occasionally we have words, mostly about home decor. Still, breaking up has never been on the table.

What’s the secret to our longevity? Simple: We each agree the other is the one we want as our life companion, warts and all. Too simple? Maybe. But while our choices and priorities aren’t always identical, they’re consistently compatible. And we’re always together, even when we don’t happen to be in the same place.

It may not always look to others like Bill and I have what they imagine the perfect romance to be. But we’ve always got someone to talk to, someone to hang out with and we’re never alone at night. And you can't argue with that.